he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
