the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
