yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
