how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
