got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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