Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
