Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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