At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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