You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
