no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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