i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
