Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
