never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
