I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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