his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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