life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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