This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
