it was like eating out sand paper
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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