I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
