Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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