i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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