u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
