just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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