**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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