I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
