I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
