I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize