I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
