I intend to get homeless drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
