normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
