Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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