I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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