sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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