those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
