We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
