It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize