I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
