Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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