yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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