K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.