Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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(360): View more from Washington

I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.

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(802): View more from Vermont

My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".

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(302): View more from Delaware

He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".

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(909): View more from California

I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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(406): View more from Montana

All I want is dick and wine.

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