I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE