Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth

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  (858): i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth http://tfl.nu/1tze
  Replies (11) Good night (1103) Bad night (2817)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.

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  (815): His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper. http://tfl.nu/rdz6
  Replies (35) Good night (2012) Bad night (2841)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

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  (256): He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me http://tfl.nu/nz3h
  Replies (11) Good night (739) Bad night (5408)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.

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  (303): Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break. http://tfl.nu/0dv9
  Replies (17) Good night (5188) Bad night (887)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?

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  (732): I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'? http://tfl.nu/6mt1
  Replies (2) Good night (2753) Bad night (1097)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.

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  (678): We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k4wd
  Replies (2) Good night (912) Bad night (1538)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.

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  (636): I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue. http://tfl.nu/zl9g
  Replies (6) Good night (2938) Bad night (809)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

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  (732): I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach. http://tfl.nu/2w13
  Replies (8) Good night (2671) Bad night (689)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"

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  (636): Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!" http://tfl.nu/8gr1
  Replies (9) Good night (2029) Bad night (1047)
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  (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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  (627): some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/adi8
  Replies (9) Good night (2043) Bad night (500)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.

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  (423): Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems. http://tfl.nu/fnuz
  Replies (1) Good night (543) Bad night (357)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.

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  (931): I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help. http://tfl.nu/1bsh
  Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (649)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house

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  (512): it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house http://tfl.nu/35q8
  Replies (1) Good night (772) Bad night (364)
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  (858): View more from California

  I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.

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  (858): I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away. http://tfl.nu/ji0d
  Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (163)
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  (714): View more from California

  We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship

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  (714): We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship http://tfl.nu/hb2u
  Replies (1) Good night (236) Bad night (63)

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