ooooooooooooo i'm drink
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.