I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
