Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
