my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
