How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
vagina is talking i cant
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
