So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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