haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
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I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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