THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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