he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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