wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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