I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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