we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
