I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
