it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize