this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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