i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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