anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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