white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So vagazzling was a success
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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