dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never underestimate the power of titties
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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