is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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