I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Randomize
