What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
