i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
