Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
