We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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