Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize