he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
