Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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