Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize