I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
