You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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