i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
