Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
