puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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